Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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