Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
