dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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