And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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