But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
