"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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