She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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