You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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