found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
