I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I forget how to act sober
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
