I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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