and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
