i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
