Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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