My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
