I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
