I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
