Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
