I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
