you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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