The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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