Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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