That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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