from now on my penis is your penis
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
