Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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