This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
