I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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