Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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