Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
