i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
