somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
only you would photoshop your dick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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