i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
