On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
