Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
