tell your sister to shave her snatch
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
