All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
