this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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