Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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