Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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