Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
