Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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