Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
