I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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