How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize