u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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