I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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