oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
