people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
