She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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