She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
