I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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