Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
