i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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