the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
