If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
