My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
