So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
