so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
