Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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