he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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