I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
