You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
