I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
