and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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