You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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